This morning I scrutinized my face in the mirror. I bent as closely as possible and, holding my breath to keep from masking the examination in fog, looked at my skin. It was only last August when I observed my face closely like this and saw no lines or wrinkles or anything to betray that I was no longer in my late, late 20's. (Ok, early 30's.)The second half of 2006 and first fourth of 2007 have been a veritable onslaught of death among family and friends, serious sickness among family and friends, house burning down, thousands of miles of travel in two or three days, exhaustion as I parent my strong-willed son with his tempest of an emotional life and my 3 year old daughter who simply must be a princess or pretty at all moments. I am a wife and housekeeper here. A daughter, sister, friend, neighbor on two coasts. I don't say these things for sympathy - simply stating the way my life is set, for now. The chance to be these things, to people I not only love, but like, is a privilege that brings me immense joy in every waking moment.
All these people to care about have taken their toll this year. The moments of overwhelming worry and concern. The nights lying awake, so close to or so far from hurting friends or family. As I looked at my face, I saw them very clearly. The fine lines, permanently showing and stretching a path down from my eyes. It is almost too much joy and sadness to contain inside my person. How can there be anymore years? I suppose becoming more forgetful helps with mental space. By next year perhaps I will have forgotten last year. I already have forgotten what I had for breakfast, this morning. So, there's hope on that front.
I am glad, today, that I was born and that I know all of you and that we have all been in this together. I know we won't mind it in each other, as we all grow old.
It also struck me that my parents are not that much older than me. That was a weird feeling.
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4 comments:
happy birthday!
Happy birthday, Jessica! What a great post. I always remember your birthday b/c it comes just b/f mine. :)
yesssss... this is a lovely looking new blog. and post. i think i have a blog out there too on blogger... different name then my weird xanga name... anyways, what have i noticed in my 30's? aging spots on my face. what's up with that? and odd little blemishes. and an ugly little triangle shaped wrinkle in between my eyebrows that i have to consciously force to flatten out else i look like i have a permanent scowl on my face. o well.
i think i really like blogger, though. do you think we could push everyone else over here? to me it is much simpler and much more aesthetically pleasing.
lastly, happy belated birthday. and i sure am glad that i have had the privilege to walk through parts of life with you. much love to you.
As a recipient of some of your love, a cause for some of your concern, and a partner in some of your worries - I cherish the fullness with which you give of yourself in each event. I'll not forget seeing your caring and concerned face when I learned of my brother's illness - or the understanding that accepted my tears when our house burned so recently. I am blessed to be your mom-in-law, priviledged to grandparent your children, and honored to have your love. Your friendship is a dear treasure to me. So I love the new tiny lines... they are beautiful.
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